Question:

Dear Doc,
I need some serious advice! I am a 29 year old HIV+ male. Recently, after not being involved in any type of committed relationship, I find myself possibly interested in another guy who I beleive is negative for the long term. Unfortunately, what started out as casual encounters over the course of a few weeks has turned into something meaningful. We had protected sex and the subject of past partners or HIV status never came up. The question was never asked by either party.

In my further reading, I now know that it is believed to be a better practice to disclose before any sexual activity. I was of the school that you approach sex as if the person could be positive.

Now I am racked with guilt, in the process of telling a person who I thought may be the one, that I allowed him to penetrate me PROTECTED WITH A CONDOM without telling him initially. Am I totally to blame here?

Please help me!

Answer provided by:

Trevor Hawkins, M. D.
Associate Clinical Professor, Dept. Family Practice, University New Mexico
Medical Director, Southwest CARE Center, Santa Fe, NM

Yes, full disclosure is the best policy before any sexual activity. This allows both partners to make fully informed choices.

However, don't feel so badly. You are now disclosing and you had the good sense to use a condom, thereby protecting your partner. Forgive yourself, feel good that you did use a condom and move on.

071106
ASKD071105

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