Important note: Information in this Q&A was accurate in 2007. The state of the art may have changed since the publication date. These things I need to know...
I just started to date a great woman in a protected heterosexual relationship. She was up front and told me she was HIV positive. She sees her physician regularly, remains undetectable, and her t cell levels are great. ( I'm a beginner at this and don't really understand what all of that means ) She has been HIV positive for about ten years. The problem is, I am terribly uneducated, scared to death for her, and don't know what to expect. She is on the latest and greatest drug, once a day, has had no side effects, and is just a terrific person, hard working provider for 2 small children. She was infected by her ex husband. Just as bluntly as I can ask it, what's her life expectancy with todays treatments and science, and how at risk am I even with condom use?
Thank you for your time.
Mark H. Katz, M.D.
Department of Internal Medicine
Assistant Chief, Hospitalist Division;
Kaiser Permanente of West Los Angeles
Thank you, on behalf of your woman friend--and all persons living with HIV--for your caring and heartfelt question. The very fact that you did not simply "get up and leave" says a lot about your character.
Your friend indeed stands a fine chance of living a normal life expectancy. Treatments for HIV have come a long way, and, yes, even one pill once a day is enough to ensure most people that they will have excellent health.
With barrier precautions for intercourse, the chance of your acquiring HIV is essentially zero. And it has virtually never been transmitted through more casual contact than that. You two can have a fulfilling and rich intimate life, and in her even being with you long enough to tell you about her status, I would guess there is more than a little chemistry between the two of you!
A friend of mine who is a major romantic, and is HIV-negative, was dating someone who was HIV-positive. His attitude was often stated as, "Why would I drop him because he is positive? Then there will be a cure for HIV, and I will have missed out on the best relationship of my life." (The two are still together some 14 years later.)
There might be support groups where you live for so-called "sero-different" couples, where one partner is positve, the other negative. Many have gone down this path before you.
Also, please note that both HIV-positive men as well as women are nowadays able to have biological children, all of whom have been born as HIV-negative.
Good luck as you enter this exciting phase of your life, and relationship!
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